Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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