Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
