I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
