Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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