My Higher Power is John Stamos
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
