Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just google imaged poop.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
