My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Everyone says I win the strip club
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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