She announced her abortion via fbk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
