My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
