At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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