Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
