1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
