Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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