If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
