Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
