someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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