You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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