i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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