Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
