the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
