Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
