I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
