I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
