tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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