Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
