I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
