My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
