So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
