I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
