My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
