it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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