I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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