I got chris browned last night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
