Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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