I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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