Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
