i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
