she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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