I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
