Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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