Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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