Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
