My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
