Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
