i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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