Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
