Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
