It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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