just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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