just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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