Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
