I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
